I am a huge propagator of “Live your dream” philosophy as most of you know me by now. However, the question that I have been forced to ask myself in recent times is..what is considered as a justified means to attempt to live your dream?. People say you need to venture out of your comfort zone. How much?, do I change completely? a bit?. Who do I look up to, how do I strategise? do I read self-help books? or get motivations from the internet?. What do I do?.
The answer I realised is simple.. Just live it..Let it happen as it does.. do not strategise/plan it.. The universe has a plan and we are too small in front of the Universe.
I recently started my journey to “be successful” and a lot of help was offered to me.. workshops, self help books, tips, personal help telling me how inadequate I am and so on….
All of this appeared to me suddenly. I was on my journey and enjoying it trying to be the best version of myself each day when suddenly the feeling of inadequacy filled in. I was working 11 hours a day, 7 days a week. I was answering every email sent to me within 5 minutes (this meant being on the laptop all the time). I was available all the time. I was being told, success is lonely and it is perfectly fine to get distanced from friends/family as it was time for me to have successful company. I was told I should not be a part of the herd and I have to be better, earn better and be “successful”.
I continued like this for 6 months. One day, I called my friend and she said ” are you okay?” – I do not recognise you. I joked and replied Yes, my pace is faster than yours and I am running faster than you. So, it is obvious that you do not recognise me. Just make sure it is not out of jealousy. She replied- I have only one feeling for you- “Pity”. I was angry and I did not want to talk to her again until one day, I realised, I was dead. The blog writer was dead, the girl who used to dream of travelling the world and spend most of her time searching about the world was dead, the girl who always aimed at elevating others and the girl who taught others how to be “free’ was dead! I was caged in the rat race of “success” and money.
I had to get out…..Why did this happen? when this this happen? where was I? why could I not recognise myself?- In search of myself!
-Urmimala Datta
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